We had coyotes in Texas but the SoCal coyotes are a different kind of “oh shit.” Since we’ve lived here, Dozer has chased off maybe ten or so coyotes (or one coyote ten times, who knows) if not more. All I do is command “get the coyote” and he goes running off, chirping a disturbing high pitch alarm, lumbering in the general direction of the trickster predator. He’s always on high alert, always looking for a coyote to go after, eager to be the BigBad of the land.
The problem is now there’s a coyote that isn’t running. It’s waiting. It comes back. It stands its ground.
That was this morning. I saw a coyote on our south hill. I have two hills, one I call the south hill (as it is south) and one is the north hill. As it is north. I would’ve made a killer cartographer. My trailer is on one of the rises of the north hill. Anyway.
A big coyote stood waiting for Dozer to come get it. She didn’t run away. She didn’t tuck tail. She stood and waited for him. Like a little hoe. Then when Dozer got close, she trotted around. Darted between bushes. Then she fucking circled. Not once but twice.
She was the cat. Dozer was the mouse.
It has been said by those who think themselves nature documentarians (my neighbors), that coyotes lure dogs away from their homes and lead them back to the dens where the rest of the pack will converge and attack. This is strategic level thinking on par with a jilted woman who’s busted her husband on Tinder.
The internet reports that’s just not true because that would suggest coyotes are plotting from the basement of their mom’s house, strings on cork boards. Coyotes, the internet says, are curious about some dogs and seek to play with them, then run off once scared, going all the way back home.
Okay so same result. I love that we mince words when the end result doesn’t change. Whether the coyote is laying a trap or wanting to flirt, there is a trap in the end.
The coyote this morning was screwing with Dozer. That was clear. She was not afraid. She either wanted to play or she wanted to lure. Had she shown fear right away and run off at the first sound of his glass-shattering chirp, he would’ve given chase. But her reluctance to follow the predictable behavior made him pause.
Also, the display was a bit embarrassing. Dozer is not a sight hound. My dude lumbered along like an idiot, barking and looking about like “WHERE IS IT, WHERE IS IT” when the coyote was right there. Enjoying a cigarette. She moved to get his attention then circled him and had a laugh. Twas clear who was smart and who wasn’t.
I was able to call Dozer back. Daisy, my female and by far the smarter dog, remained with me and my completely useless shelties (shhh, don’t tell them, think they’re helpful). She whined a few times to signal her concern that something fucky was about.
No I do not have video of this morning ordeal, but if it happens again tomorrow, I shall attempt it. I also do not have a weapon that would reach the coyote, nor do I think I yet have the muster to pull any trigger on a wild animal. Until maybe it tries something more nefarious than whatever it was doing today.
Thanks for reading and keeping up with my continued misadventures in California. If you found this post entertaining and would like to support a starving writer and her menagerie, consider buying me a coffee. It helps keep the bills paid.